Marcy Two Fingers
Anne Lister surveyed the situation and was like, “Okay I see one paper knife and one trip to The Lake District as all that stands in my way. Simple enough. I’ll break the paper knife, cut my hand gruesomely with it, and then pop in on their holiday to assert my dominance!” I think Ann Walker kindly kneeling, sweetly holding her wounded hand, and adorably making eye contact was just a bonus.
Funny story…I showed this scene to a friend of mine, Marcy, who has trouble wooing ladies. She felt inspired. A week later she showed up at my house, only she was missing three fingers and one ear lobe. Aghast, I asked Marcy what had happened! To my dismay, she dismembered herself in an effort to gauge lady’s interest. After this horrific and totally unnecessary act, she exclaimed to the lady, “I can mend this. I can replace them. I don’t know what with because of course it will never have the same sentimental value as….” then trailed off when she realized she did it all wrong. What a silly mistake! Marcy told me she nearly smacked herself in the face but decided against it as now having only two fingers has left her with an embarrassingly inadequate smacking impact. Not knowing what to say, I lied and said I had been thinking of getting my right earlobe removed for a while now and her new look finally convinced me to go for it! I think she felt better.