The AL Quintet of Lady Seduction

Last night I jolted awake from dead sleep (I was alive, probably just in the REM cycle) with a major realization about AL and how she was so good with the ladies. The secrets lie within her top hat (it’s not a rabbit), her quill (also not a rabbit), cravat (does contain rabbit ears), coal pits (all the rabbits were killed when those were sunk, so no rabbit…that went dark, sorry), and pocket watch. The AL quintet of lady seduction if you will:

1. Her top hat. When she tipped it and removed it, I’ll bet pickup lines fell out and onto the laps of the ladies. In Paris in 1824, “Are you French, because Eiffel for you.”

2. Her quill…okay, you know there was not a smooth talker in all of Europe who could compete with AL’s quill. “Ever faithfully and most truthfully, soul quenchingly and cross incurringly yours until the day henceforth you and I meet nevermore.” Please! Her quill was her most swooniest weapon of seduction.

3. Her cravat. It’s basically like she wrapped herself up as a present and tied her body with a cravat bow that’s just begging to be pulled to reveal the surprise underneath.

4. Her coal pits. What woman wouldn’t want to be taken into the depths of the earth and get covered in black dust? You get to ride in a minecart all snuggled up against her, a romantic torch to light your path with nothing but darkness and heavy breathing to fill your senses. Yep, AL knew EXACTLY what she was doing. I bet she left a trail of coal bricks with love notes along a path leading her lady to her. Such a smooth pit operator!

5. Her pocket watch. She could tell any lady the exact hour and minute they would fall in love with her. Not just that, but how long it took them to do literally ANYTHING. Who wouldn’t want to know how long they were in the bathroom each and every time they went? AL, you sly dog.