Cool Cucumber

Omfg what a cool cucumber. Customer...cool as a cucumber customer. I bet when she shops for cucumbers people say, holy mother of god she is the coolest customer I’ve ever encountered. Then she’s like, oh I know...I’m really cool, but I don’t just shop for cucumbers, I also shop for pickles because I can’t be bothered to...well, you know. Then all the fellow patrons would drop dead from the force that is her coolness.

Sidenote, I know this opinion might alienate some of you...but I have to get this off my chest. HERE IT GOES....cucumbers aren’t even that cool! They seem like if they wore clothes they would wear high water pants, fanny packs, sunglasses that fit over regular glasses and adorn a mullet hairstyle.  Also if they could speak they’d use words like “adorn.” Carrots probably have a field day laughing at them when they are turned into petite dills.