Eye Contact
You walk up to the solid wood door, stand in front of it, and wait. There is a small, rectangular slat with a glass shield at eye level which will open any minute. When it opens you will make direct eye contact with someone on the other side. You have no idea who that person is, where they’ve come from, or what their background is, but you will be tasked with making judgements and assessments of that person based on only their eyes. A buzzer sounds and the slat opens. You see two eyes staring back at you. What are your first thoughts?
We are conditioned to judge and make assumptions upon meeting people. Partially for survival, partially to assess our standing with that other person. We observe them in an effort to modify or adapt our own behavior to be appropriate in the context of that other person and his/her background. The problem with all of that is we are limited by our own experiences. If we meet someone from, say a remote Asian island, yet we have never met their family or experienced that person’s island, language, or culture…we use our limited prior knowledge on anything that could potentially relate to that person to try and ‘figure her out.’ Perhaps we have been to a beach so we use that to try and understand island life, perhaps we are friends with someone with a Japanese heritage, so we try to adapt our behavior in a way that would be acceptable based on what you know. But let’s say that person is not from an island anywhere near Japan, and they lead a very different life. We might make egregious mistakes, even though our behavior was meant with the best intentions. On top of that…despite our brain’s effort to sort people into categories, no category can conceivably contain the depth of any one person. We are too complex, and that complexity should be celebrated and appreciated.
Here’s the thing, we cannot be expected to understand everyone upon an initial meeting or know everything about every person in the world. It’s impossible. But no one is asking us to and thank God for that. I get it, we don’t want to look dumb, we want to look cool/cultured/on top of things…but sometimes in an effort to boost ourselves, we diminish the richness of other people and the beautiful variety they bring to this world.
Imagine if, upon meeting someone new, you only allowed yourself to look into that person’s eyes and at nothing else. Imagine if their height, weight, hair color, skin color, and clothing were not observed upon meeting them. What could be gained from an exercise like this? They say the eyes are a window into the soul. How often do you look into the soul of someone, rather than the exterior, the materialistic? How much value do you place on appearance rather than the content of their character? Taking it a step further, imagine if your brain was a complete blank slate each time you met another person. Imagine if you made an effort to stop categorizing and start asking questions. Show interest. Show respect for who they are, what they tell you, their past, their perspectives, and how they express themselves. Watch their mannerisms, hone in on what is important to that person and how those things direct their life path. Don’t make assumptions. Be open. Admit when you don’t get something, but always try to understand. That effort to get to know others, no matter who those people are, will enrich your life tenfold, and I guarantee you will better understand the world. You will be happier, you will feel free, and you will make others feel valued. Who wouldn’t want to live a life that way?
